At the Threshold of Adulthood: My Eighteen Years

Just after midnight, I closed my eyes and quietly felt the arrival of eighteen. Before this, I always imagined that there would be some qualitative changes at the moment of adulthood, such as something appearing in my head or suddenly understanding something. Obviously, the things I imagined did not happen. Then I started to think about my actual gains and losses at this moment. Eighteen has given me a lot. Many things I can do by myself now: I can learn to drive, give legal effect to documents, and handle a full-function bank card by myself. I can also complete the binding of ApplePay. Looking back two and a half years ago, when I applied for that bank card from China Merchants Bank, it took a lot of effort for my father to accompany me to sign many guarantee documents to barely get it done - many things had usage restrictions, such as the binding of ApplePay. At the same time, I have also lost a lot. The one that concerns me the most is the "Law on the Protection of Minors" that I have never used, which makes me feel a little regretful; maybe also a little panicked, because this means responsibility and obligation: from now on, I will face a "complete" law, bear everything alone, and there will be no chance to start over after making mistakes.

After a moment of reverie, I finally accepted this fact that makes me sad but has to be accepted: time is really moving forward, and inadvertently, it has been eighteen years.

My Memories: Eighteen Years

In my impression, my family is not particularly wealthy, but I know that our living standard has surpassed many ordinary families. I have never been hungry at home and always have clothes to wear. We always buy new clothes, and when the clothes get too small, we always buy new ones instead of waiting until they can't be worn anymore or picking up clothes that others have worn. In general, as my father said, "Although we can't eat delicacies every day, we can still afford your ordinary food and drink." I grew up in such a life without worries about food and clothing.

Childhood

My kindergarten days seemed to pass like this: I didn't want to go to kindergarten, didn't want to learn characters or recite texts, didn't want to do exercises, and didn't want to go to the hospital.

Undoubtedly, kindergarten is the most carefree time in life. But when we were in that time, we seemed never satisfied, and I was no exception. At that time, my sister was in primary school and came home around 5 pm every afternoon. This made me, who didn't finish school until 6 pm, very envious. I envied them for being able to go home early and do their own things in the room (doing homework, but at that time I thought it was very free and cool). When I got home from school, it was already dinner time, and after dinner, I had to recite ancient texts and recognize new characters under my mother's supervision... Since then, reciting texts has become the most headache-inducing thing for me, and it still is today.

But there were also happy things in that seemingly not so happy time. I still remember that one time my grandmother sent me to kindergarten. At a corner near the kindergarten, we met an old lady selling books at a stall. Most of the books she sold were comic books, which my mother would never buy for me, so I begged my grandmother to buy me one. Although I didn't know many characters at that time and couldn't understand many of the contents, I cherished it like a treasure. Later, of course, my mother was not happy when she found out, and she also told my grandmother not to buy such books for me in the future. Fortunately, this book was not confiscated and has been kept in my bookcase until now. It is that green "Funny Campus".

I have been weak and sick since I was a child. I got sick every few weeks and had a serious illness every one or two months. And no matter whether it was a serious illness or a minor illness, injections and medicines almost had no effect, and I could only go to the hospital for infusion. So there were often situations where "in the middle of the night, my mother took me with a high fever to the hospital". I went to the hospital so many times that the doctors and nurses became familiar with me. Fortunately, under the care of the pediatric doctors and nurses, I was able to leave the hospital healthy every time and return to my life. Doctors have a benevolent heart, and I have always believed that pediatric doctors are the most kind-hearted. Because only when there is love in people can they choose to help these young lives with their hearts, so that they can grow up healthily and have the opportunity to witness a broader world.

Primary School

Later, I went to primary school. I still remember my feelings on the day I entered school: I looked at the tall sixth-grade seniors and calculated the next six years in my heart. At that time, I thought time would pass very slowly, so slow that these six years would never pass, and I would always be a child. In the first three years of primary school, I studied at an ordinary public school near my home. Under the supervision and cultivation of my mother, I had always had good grades. Even if I took a long leave once, I still ranked among the top in the class in the final exam. But campus life did not seem to be carefree just because of my good grades. At that time, the biggest worry was always being caught by the moral education teacher for various reasons when playing at school. For example, making paper airplanes, running in the corridor, playing football on the playground, forgetting to wear a red scarf... These were all the reasons why I was caught. These seemingly trivial things now were really troublesome for us ten years ago.

Many things changed in the fourth grade: my sister went to college, I transferred schools, and then we moved soon after. In the fourth grade, I transferred to a private school, which was the first time I lived in a boarding school and was away from home for such a long time and far away. That year, I seemed to cry every day. I wanted to go home and I missed my mother. But later, I finally adapted to the collective life away from home. When I first transferred, my grades didn't seem to be very good, but after one semester, I also got a scholarship through my efforts, but that was only once. The next time was during the elementary school graduation exam. We moved in the second semester of the fourth grade. The previous house was also sold some time ago, and I have never gone back. But fortunately, it was just a house. My home has always been there.

Soon, six years of primary school passed. Looking back on the eve of primary school graduation, I was filled with infinite emotions. At that time, everyone seemed to have no pressure for entering a higher school, so everyone was happy and carefree. That night, we hugged each other in the dormitory and promised to work hard together in the next three years. That was the first time I realized that time was really passing, these six years really passed just like that, and one day we would grow up and no longer just be children.

But in the end, I did not choose to directly enter the junior high school of the same school and failed to keep the promise with my classmates that night. I have three points of guilt and five points of regret for this. Naturally, I did not get the scholarship for the elementary school graduation exam; and that time in the fourth grade, perhaps it was a unique honor in my life.

Junior High School

In junior high school, I entered the best middle school in the city. The learning atmosphere there was very tense, and the teachers were very strict and responsible. In the first year of junior high school, I met the teacher I respected the most in my eighteen years. We affectionately called him "Boss". The boss was our math teacher and head teacher, and he graduated from the University of Hong Kong with a master's degree. He was in his late twenties at that time, and now he is in his thirties. But in my heart, he will always be our peer and my friend. He brought us things beyond textbook knowledge, told us many things he had seen and heard outside, and taught us the principles of being a person. He attached great importance to our all-round development and even established a small band, allowing us to use the big break time to practice singing. We made an appointment to go to Chunxi Road to sing and sell during the summer vacation, and the money earned would be used as class fees... The influence the boss had on me was subtle. During this year, he helped me establish a correct outlook on life, values, and a complete personality, making me an upward person and a person with lifelong development potential.

But it was a pity that I didn't see him again on the first day of the second year of junior high school. I guess it might be because his teaching philosophy might not fit here, so he chose to leave. The boss is a person with great ambitions and unique insights. He may hope that his students can have a broader vision, a more sound personality, and a more complete life experience. But at that time, the place we were in only focused on the results of the high school entrance examination. Now, although he could not accompany us through these three years, and although he could not fulfill the promise of the performance, I am still happy for his decision to leave. Because I believe that he will meet a school that truly appreciates his talent and understands his personality charm in another place. He will also meet a group of children and parents who really like him and recognize him. I hope he can shine and be warm in a place where he is truly needed.

In fact, until now, I don't know how to view my three years of junior high school experience. Under the high-pressure study during those three years, I did get a good score in the high school entrance examination and developed some good study habits. But it seems that besides grades, I didn't get much else, but missed and lost too much: I missed the supposed colorful campus life in junior high school, lost some family warmth, and also missed the "most beautiful summer" recognized by the whole network. I still cannot fully experience the touch I should have had that summer, I only know that I can no longer "Go Back to Summer", can't finish singing "Aries", and have no way to "Commemorate". Three years of life, if it is always a monotonous color, no matter how bright this color is, it will eventually appear dim. I cannot piece together a complete and normal three-year junior high school life from the mouths of others, but I think it must be an educational experience of "one tree shaking another tree, one cloud pushing another cloud". The benefits I should get from these three years should not only be for the next three years, but should pave the way for the rest of my life. Maybe I will regret not continuing to have greatly improved my appeal and decision-making power. I have paid a lot and spent a lot of time, but I have no regrets. I believe that all the experience I have gained from this year's work will become precious wealth and will become a help on my road to success one day in the next few years. I don't need to say more about my feelings for our department. Time flies, and it seems like yesterday when I took office. I hope that everyone in the Propaganda Department can gain and grow from one year's work. I have also written about other matters in this article I wrote for the fifth Propaganda Department.

High school is not over, and we are not separated yet. The numbers on the countdown board are still ticking, and the memories of youth are not yet finished. It seems that in the past eighteen years, all our efforts have been for this one exam. And on the day of the college entrance examination, all our efforts in the past eighteen years will be tested. Youth is not old, and we are not separated. I wish us a bright future.

We: More Than Eighteen Years

Mother

From childhood to adulthood, my mother is the one who knows me the best, loves me the most, and has sacrificed the most for me. Rather than saying sacrifice, it is more like giving up. My mother is often very generous to me but very frugal to herself. My mother has also spent too much time on me. On the other end of the memory about me and my mother is when my mother was doing business in another place. Usually, my mother lived alone in a small rental house there, and when I had a vacation, my mother would take me there and we would stay in the shop together. My mother's already hurried life became even more chaotic because of my presence. I don't know how long it lasted, maybe more than a year - I can't remember clearly. In the end, my mother gave up all her career and chose to take care of the family and me.

At that time, I didn't really understand what such a choice meant, and even found it a little strange. It was only when I really had to choose my own life that I realized that my mother had given up another more wonderful life. No one will choose to be mediocre before achieving success, no one will turn back in front of the vast world, and no one will use their own life as a price to exchange for the brilliance of another person's life. If such a thing happens between two ordinary people, people may laugh and scold this person as a fool. Because life is only once, and the sacrifice in this life will not exchange for the reward in the next life. But when such a thing happens to a mother, it is greatness. One is the mother, and the other is the child. This is the hope that the former places on the latter, and the latter is also regarded as the continuation of the value, ideal, and even life of the former. Maybe and most likely, I will never be able to repay my mother for her dedication, whether it is money or experience. But my mother still bets everything on me, and this is the affection between blood relatives.

Father

In my childhood memory, my father seemed to be a vague back: the back of leaving home in the morning, the back of making business calls, the back of returning home late at night. For more than ten years, my father has been busy with work, so he has spent relatively little time with me. But I also understand that my father alone has to support the livelihood of the whole family of five, and if it weren't for me, my father could have retired and enjoyed a leisurely life a few years ago. My father is an ordinary person, ordinary but great - fathers all over the world seem to be like this, losing some warmth and companionship, but gaining more toil and bitterness. Most of the time, my father is a hardworking and uncomplaining image. Facing the misunderstanding of his family, he just lowers his head and sighs, without too many complaints and doesn't care much. But there are also some times when he is a stubborn person. Facing the problems of his children, he always likes to insist on expressing his opinions and putting forward his own views. This is my father, who loves his children deeply and is happy to return home.

Sister

Because my sister went to college, my impression of her almost stopped seven years ago. In my childhood memory, my sisters were all very good to me. Maybe it's because children like to play with their older brothers and sisters. The happy memories of my childhood all have the figures of my sisters: jumping off the upper bunk of the bed with them and spraining my foot, playing rock-paper-scissors and slapping ears in the house when Mom and Dad were not at home and getting my face swollen, burning paper at the kitchen door with my second sister, stealing pickles with my eldest sister... These are our exclusive memories. My sister loved to sleep back then and often slept until noon (I had a healthy life and got up at eight, although now I am like them). Sometimes I would also prepare breakfast for them and bring it into the room, but most likely I was coaxed out haha haha 😂. Even when there was an earthquake, they couldn't be woken up. I had to go in and wake them up.

In my memory, I really didn't have any big conflicts with my sister, and the memories are all beautiful. That carefree time is nostalgic, not because it was so beautiful, but because we can never go back. I am grateful to have my sister in my growth path.

Epilogue

At the age of adulthood, it is the time of the college entrance examination. In the eighteen years before the college entrance examination, my whole world revolved around this one thing; and what is after that? It is career, ideal, or making a living, daily necessities. This is the end of one stage of life and the beginning of another chapter. Before life crushes my ideals, I want to treasure these bits and pieces in this memory, forever, until I sit on a rocking chair and grow old. However, even so, my eighteen years will never grow old, and the eighteen-year-old me will always live in the memory of eighteen.

Postscript

After dragging on for more than two months, I finally finished writing it. In fact, I wrote these words because I suddenly understood what adulthood means and how difficult it is for adults. The main thing is the pressure of life. I don't know if I can rely on my own efforts to strive for the life I want. As I grow older, the life I want seems to become simpler and simpler: when I was a child, I wanted to be an "astronaut", when I was older, I wanted to achieve great success, but now I just want my family to be healthy and safe. In recent years, my body has sometimes had some abnormalities. But going to the hospital for a check-up costs hundreds or even thousands of yuan. In the past, my parents paid for it, and I didn't feel anything; but when I become an adult, it's my turn, and I also have to take care of my family after starting a family. Not to mention spending more than one hundred thousand yuan on children's education every year, even the money for children's medical treatment and medicine needs me to work hard for a long time to earn, let alone the mortgage and car loan. And this is also the true portrayal of most adults. I don't know what kind of person I will become, so I am panicked. At that time, maybe I will also give up my ideal and just want my family to be healthy. Maybe soon I will forget the years before I was eighteen and be filled with reality. So I want to record the purest beauty through words. I believe that the most tragic reality is that everything is "only cherished when lost". This is not to blame anyone, because life cannot be repeated, and later generations will never be able to empathize with the experiences of their predecessors. No one is forever eighteen, but there will always be people who live in the memory of eighteen. As said in the epilogue, I would like to dedicate this article to commemorate my past eighteen years.

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Finished writing in the early morning of the 23rd of the 12th lunar month of the Renyin Year. In the study at home